Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
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