I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
