i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
dude. I can hear the air.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
