i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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