Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
