i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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