you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
