the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Let's get the cat blown out
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
