i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
