I am midnight drunk by noon
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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