I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
