I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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