get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
