Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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