I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
