After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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