I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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