Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
