Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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