dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
