how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
