awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
