Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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