the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
