The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
