Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
