i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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