I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
