My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
