I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
