i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
