I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
