Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
