I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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