he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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