So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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