she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
