why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
