i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
