Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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