well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
