We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Come on in and take your pants off
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
