So gin and wine won't be happening again
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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