i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
