Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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