He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
