3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
