Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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