Tell her she can't have a vagina
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
