im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
