I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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