I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
no more duck duck goose at the bar
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
