It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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