I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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