It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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