maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
